Secrets to a Great Marriage
1. Think before you
speak
People in marriages tend to have very "hot" buttons causing frequent arguments. One reason for this is that the boundaries that exist at the workplace or with friends and relatives do not exist in a marriage. Much of marital bickering can be lessened or mitigated if you wait before you respond to something that has made you angry. If you think for even five seconds before you respond, the amount of marital bickering will be greatly reduced. It may be better to discuss the difficult issue on another day when the emotions are not so high. You can broach the topic (at that later time) by saying, "Dear, I have some unfinished business to discuss with you. May we discuss it now?"
People in marriages tend to have very "hot" buttons causing frequent arguments. One reason for this is that the boundaries that exist at the workplace or with friends and relatives do not exist in a marriage. Much of marital bickering can be lessened or mitigated if you wait before you respond to something that has made you angry. If you think for even five seconds before you respond, the amount of marital bickering will be greatly reduced. It may be better to discuss the difficult issue on another day when the emotions are not so high. You can broach the topic (at that later time) by saying, "Dear, I have some unfinished business to discuss with you. May we discuss it now?"
2. Don't give up
If you ask any married person, he or she will tell you that marriages wax and wane. There are good times, bad times, and even in middle times. A marriage is viable if the good outweighs the bad, even by a little bit. Appreciate the good and try to let the bad roll off of you like water from a duck. The more you stick to it, the easier it will get and the more fondness and connection you will feel towards your spouse. You will also feel good about yourself because you worked very hard to achieve something of value.
If you ask any married person, he or she will tell you that marriages wax and wane. There are good times, bad times, and even in middle times. A marriage is viable if the good outweighs the bad, even by a little bit. Appreciate the good and try to let the bad roll off of you like water from a duck. The more you stick to it, the easier it will get and the more fondness and connection you will feel towards your spouse. You will also feel good about yourself because you worked very hard to achieve something of value.
3. Give your marriage
as much (if not more) focused attention than you give your hobbies
People spend huge amounts of time, money and effort on their off-work interests. But when a marriage is making them feel bad, everybody seems to "throw up their arms" and decide that it's useless to try anymore. Actually, reading books on marriage, conflict resolution, and communication techniques will help your marriage. Getting your spouse to read them is even better, but not necessary, to be able to make huge positive changes in your marriage.
People spend huge amounts of time, money and effort on their off-work interests. But when a marriage is making them feel bad, everybody seems to "throw up their arms" and decide that it's useless to try anymore. Actually, reading books on marriage, conflict resolution, and communication techniques will help your marriage. Getting your spouse to read them is even better, but not necessary, to be able to make huge positive changes in your marriage.
4. Treat your spouse
better than you treat anyone else
Did you ever hear the expression "familiarity breeds contempt"? This seems to apply in marriages. As a result, the unfortunate truth is that people tend to treat their spouses worse than strangers. An example of this is the all-too-common behaviour of treating the spouse (sometimes ever so subtly) with contempt. Who is this person you are married to now? And who was that wonderful, beautiful perfect person you married so many years ago? Believe it or not, it's the same person. Remember those times and retrain yourself to view your spouse with the utmost respect and treat your spouse accordingly.
Did you ever hear the expression "familiarity breeds contempt"? This seems to apply in marriages. As a result, the unfortunate truth is that people tend to treat their spouses worse than strangers. An example of this is the all-too-common behaviour of treating the spouse (sometimes ever so subtly) with contempt. Who is this person you are married to now? And who was that wonderful, beautiful perfect person you married so many years ago? Believe it or not, it's the same person. Remember those times and retrain yourself to view your spouse with the utmost respect and treat your spouse accordingly.
5. Have Separate
Interests
Make sure you have some private space and give your spouse some too. Marriage entails a lot of togetherness, but just because you're married, you don't need to be joined at the hip. Make sure each of you has time away from the other with friends, family, or alone. Enjoy your separate interests. Having separate time and interests will help vitalize the marriage.
Make sure you have some private space and give your spouse some too. Marriage entails a lot of togetherness, but just because you're married, you don't need to be joined at the hip. Make sure each of you has time away from the other with friends, family, or alone. Enjoy your separate interests. Having separate time and interests will help vitalize the marriage.
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